YOU HAVE TWO COWS

my favorites! Got any good ones?

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Anarchy: You have two cows. They run away.
Aristocratism: You have two cows. You sell them and buy a really big one. With a pedigree.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Corporate Capitalism: You have two cows -- IN THEORY. But, ACTUALLY, you have shares in a mutual fund that includes a large agribusiness conglomerate which gives you the theoretical equivalent of ownership of two cows. This agribusiness proceeds to invest heavily in a slick "Got Milk?" celebrity campaign while moving aggressively into application of Monsanto's recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone (rBGH), a bioengineered hormone which is injected in the cows every other week to force the cows to produce more milk than their bodies normally would. rBGH is similar, although not identical, to a hormone that the cow naturally produces. Increasing levels of this hormone boosts milk production, causing a number of problems with the milk, among them, raising levels of pus, antibiotics residues and a cancer-accelerating hormone called IGF-1. Your shares rapidly rise in value as you watch your virtual herd grow to four, then eight, and eventually SIXTEEN theoretical cows . . . before the market finally crashes. Some years later you are diagnosed with cancer of the colon, too late, unfortunately, to treat it benignly because your HMO had cut back on screening tests as a cost-saving move in order to meet the high dividend expectations of the very same mutual fund your 401k was invested in. A colonectomy keeps you alive, for the time-being at least, but you have to wear a bag of shit strapped to your leg for the remaining years of your life. Still, at least it's a better quality of life than those factory cows lead . . . Maybe two cows WOULD have been enough . . .
Communism: You have two cows. The state takes both, and gives you a little milk... once.
Communism — Cuban: You no longer have any cows. They sailed to Miami. You still have no milk - but you do have Fidel.
Communism — Pure: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Communism — Real World: You share two cows with your neighbours. You and your neighbours bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Communism — Soviet: You have two cows. You count them and realize you have four cows.You drink more Vodka. You count the cows again and realize you have eleventy six cows. You drink even more Vodka. After a while, you realize that eleventy isn't a real number. You count the cows again and have two cows. You open another bottle of Vodka and try to drown the loss of eleventy four cows.
Democracy: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the cows win.
Democracy — British: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes the cows, shoot you and sell the milk to your widow.
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Libertarianism: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.
Taliban: You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because "they are Hindu religious symbols."
United Nations: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.
!Enron: You have two cows. You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from your bank then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 time prime. You now sell three cows to your publicly listed company, using a letter of credit opened by your brother-in- law at a 2nd bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor and no Balance Sheet provided with the press release that announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin trading cows via the Internet site COW (cows on web).
French Corporation: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
German Corporation: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
Italian Corporation: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
Swedish: You need two cows. You buy them from IKEA and assemble them yourself (it's cheaper). The Volvo cows don't look as trendy, but they last a lot longer.
Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge for storing them for others.
Qatar: You have 2 cows, you do nothing with them for years. Suddenly you realize that Dubai is milking its cows like crazy so you start milking the sh*t out of yours. Then you realize that nobody wanted the milk in the first place.
Cannibalism: You have 2 cows. They eat each other. You accept this.
Feminism: You have two cows. You wouldn't dream of calling them that.
Hinduism: You have two cows, you worship them.
Narcicism: You have two cows. Damn, I look good.
Pacifism: You have two cows. They stampede you.
Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.